Mindfulness, compassion, and kindness—who knew those things had anything to do with successful dating!
I was happy to learn that in fact, they have ), I strongly encourage you to enlist the help of a friend. Do you approach people you are interested in, or wait for them to approach you? Do you approach people you are only moderately attracted to? Or do you focus on finding your "someone" to the exclusion of spending time with friends? How are you different when you're with someone you’re attracted to? Just notice your patterns of behavior, and the flow of your feelings. Afterward, do a post-mortem with your learning partner.
I’m very social, so I can have a good time, but I usually leave these events feeling disappointed in myself.
They are eye-opening and fun, and they will help you grow in self-respect while opening up new possibilities in your dating life.
Best of all would be a learning partner—someone who is also single and who will join you on your mindfulness dating-jaunts, or at least discuss them with you by phone both before and after the trip. Go to a café or speak on the phone and share your insights and reflections.
If you prefer to do this alone (and can’t be budged to reconsider! Exercise 1: Notice Your Patterns The next time you go to a party, bar, club or a gathering where there are single people, try this exercise: PART A: Change nothing in what you do. If you did this alone, go to a café or to anywhere comfortable, and write down your reflections.
This may be deliciously scary, or it may be terrifying.
If you don’t feel ready for this exercise, then modify it to something easier, like finding out if any of your friends know this person and might introduce you at a later date.